The Wayward Heart
I find it baffling the number of times my soul wants to stray away from the heart of God. So often, I feel the need to realign and readjust myself back into His will, His heart and our relationship with one another. Generally, I would blame it on something or someone else, but as of recently, God has removed from me (rather by natural reduced interests or by command that require my intention), so now there are no vices for me to self-justify my actions on. Easily, this can lead to self-condemnation and feelings of unworthiness to return to The Lord until I “figure it out”. Maybe some of you can understand fully what I am referring to, others maybe not. But there is a great sorrow that comes with the realization of the truth: a wayward heart.
Waywardness is of a complex nature that I am not fully convinced if it is the result of sin or is the sin itself. Lately I have been battling with a reoccurring behavior that I believed I had overcome. I believed The Lord had delivered me from this behavior and through processes but somehow it found its way back into my heart and through my speech. I started to ask the Lord to forgive me for this sin, but I acknowledged within myself that I did not really want to give it up. Have I returned to it as a slave? Have I come back to it with my own chains requesting its lordship over me?
Solomon, in all his wisdom, was still weak to the conditions of his heart. He still fell victim to the desires of his flesh (see 1 Kings 11). For political solace and wealth, Solomon made himself susceptible to a wayward heart through one deliberate act of disobedience. God warned him to not intermarry with certain groups, not because of the state of their race or ethnicity, but because of the state of their hearts (1 Kings 11:2). These women did not worship the God of Israel and God knew they would cause Solomon to turn away from Him rather than him influencing them to turn towards God.
Despite all of Solomon’s wisdom, he appeared to remain foolish in his own ways.
Solomon’s behaviors or building monuments and worshipping other gods were in reflection to the position of his heart that was turned from God. This enlightened me on how I was to pray. Yes, I sought forgiveness for my impure acts, thoughts and speech, but The Holy Spirit revealed to me the truth of the root of this issue. These impurities and acts of disobedience were the fruit of my flesh, stemming from a heart turned away from God. One act of disobedience made me susceptible to a wayward heart, therefore more sin.
Are you feeling disconnected from God? Do you feel far away from Him? I can assure you; He has not abandoned you-His heart remains towards you but where is yours? Is it facing old behaviors, your career/job, pleasing family and friends, or is it facing yourself (seeking to self-soothe, self-comfort, and self-gratify)? Think. Reflect. Is there one act of obedience you have not yet completed? If so, your delay in obedience probably prompted you towards a wayward heart. So repent. Instead of praying steadily over your acts, pray for a heart that turns back to the Savior. Pray for His redemptive and restorative power to transform your wayward heart into a repentant one.
A wayward heart leads to fruit of the flesh, a repentant heart leads to fruit of the Spirit.
